Hi folks, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO Y’ALL ! Oh boy, I didn’t come back to say Hi since a while! ...


Hi folks,


Oh boy, I didn’t come back to say Hi since a while!

Well Christmas has been the time of enjoying life with family and friends but most of all, my work kept me away as it is always quite the rush around that time of the year.

I am back  with a subject  that could sound familiar to you, however good to remind to ourselves.

How many times did we hear « oh well, you should just stop rushing out and just pray about it ».

Easy said but what about well done?

How many times did we plan before praying God to give us a direction? How many times did we even plan to pray before actually praying??

So here I was with all my questions the past month, all those question marks fulfilling my head as the month went by and I need to be honest with you folks, this time of the year has been very difficult for me as it reminded me the past year 2015-2016, enjoying two amazing weeks in Alabama with my fiancé and his proposal on January 2nd, 2016.

As I decided to be as much honest as I can be in my writing, and with my limited English, I am about to tell you the exact feelings that I have gotten the past few weeks.


Dear followers, I won’t lie about it and I won’t pretend that because I am Christian, everything  is just easy and light and bright everyday. I have a secret for you guys : God never said that Christian people will easily go on in life and won’t pass through storms or difficulties. BUT God said that through this hard time, He will be with us (Deuteronomy 31 :8).

So yes, I have been a mess the past weeks. I have cried, I have screamed in my car to release stress, I have been not eating much and somehow, I have felt helpless…

In the midst of this dark month, I have felt so helpless… and guilty. GUILTY? Yes, guilty until I understood the truth that follows a little below.

How can I concentrate all the attention on me when the whole Christmas period is about Jesus?
How could I feel hopeless and miserable when it was just the time to remember why we celebrate Jesus birth?
To all those questions, I want to first tell you this :

Jesus loves us the WAY WE ARE! And by the way, it is not Bruno Mars who has been the first to sing this song but the royalties should be given to God who indeed LOVES US JUST THE WAY WE ARE!!!
So yes, this period of year is about Jesus Christ, but thankfully, wherever we are at, in our life, He still accepts us the way we are, He loves us and cherishes us. We are His special possession (Psalm 94 :14). And because of this, we are able to come to Him, messy and miserable as we feel and still know that His love won’t change and that He will still hold us close to Him.

After having felt the « right » to be this way for several weeks even during this time of joy, then my heart started to be thankful ; and more my entire being craved for praising God, more I have been able to pass to a second state that was : my situation seems helpless but I have a God who is helpful and determined to make me discover his destiny for my life;let's praise Him.

At this very moment folks, I can’t tell you how, but my heart literally changed and has been able to « welcome » the idea of letting go of control and letting faith growing again more and more. I finally could rejoice in this time of celebration and focus on the only one deserving glory at Christmas : Jesus Christ.
Remember folks, the role of faith is not to question, but simply to obey. Faith is not a sense, nor sight, nor reason, but simply taking God at His word.

And this is when prayer comes into action!!! When we realize that we can’t control anything and that the best is to let God tell us « I got this! »
Praying and praying until the prayer becomes us. Praying until the peace has filled us so much that we don’t remember why we felt so anxious. Praying until we believe God.

I can tell you dear followers that this revelation has been for me such a release. I start this New Year 2017 in prayer and with the right thoughts, the right actions and the right heavenly travelling companion.

I am the Lord and I do not change ~ Malachi 3 :6

Let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up ~Galatians 6 :9

Kath Leen.

  « It’s not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it’s the smile we fake. People t...



« It’s not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it’s the smile we fake. People think I’m lying about being hurt because they see me laughing. But actually, I laugh to keep myself from crying  » - Anonymous

Isn’t this phrase familiar to you ? Isn’t what we all feel like, when we have to go through a difficult time ?

I personally can’t or never could act differently. I always have been in control, you know… this type of personality that people have when they can do everything by themselves and never require the help of anyone. I used to be like this and I am still working on this to be honest to you and to myself.

So, as a controlling personality I very often don't want to show my suffering, I need to remain « in control ». And why showing my pain after all ? So that people can have pity on me I thought. What’s the point ? Usually people embrace us and stay with us the amount of time they can handle it and then life goes on and they themselves go on, while we are still broken and trying to head ourselves at the surface of the water.

And because life usually works this way, the only solution we find is to minimize the pain. We pretend to ourselves and to people that we are doing better: we « cRyLe » (dictionary free for this word ;))... We smile on the outside while crying in the inside.

We [fake] smile.


Let’s face the problem for a minute. Can we obviously think that we can give a limit time to suffering ? On my side, since July 2016, I suffer from a break up as my fiancé cancelled the wedding 3 weeks before the big day and I am here now, in the midst of this storm without even knowing where I am going…

Maybe you are suffering from a breaking up, or cancer, or a loss, or even depression that comes from nowhere. And what limit time do you give to all this to stop suffering ? How can we measure the amount of days, weeks, years that we will be in pain ?

No one can. We trust in God for sure, but it doesn't mean suffering and pain go away when we snap our fingers! Everybody expects us to get better faster and sooner but folks, let me remind you something : if you are mourning right now, you need to give time to the time to mourn and then heal in the propre way. You can’t accelerate your healing process because EVERYBODY is different and EVERY STORY is different. Some people take a few weeks, some take a few months. And the issue here is that as people expect us to get better faster, somehow we feel pressured and the only solution we find is to wear a mask.

How many of you will tell me they don’t know the « smiling mask », the « busy workaholic mask », the « I don’t mind-detached mask »…

« Here I go, faking smile again. »

For the past months, emotionally I was done. Mentally, I was drained. Spiritually, I was crying out to God and physically….I was smiling.

Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story. My story is one of a broken heart who tried for many weeks to fight by itself. Until I understood that the only One who could help me getting out of here was Jesus Christ.

If you don’t know yet, I have always loved Jesus and grew with Him ; however there is still a lot of things that I couldn’t understand. But finding myself in this suffering, in a pain that I can’t even describe has helped me somehow to connect more with Jesus. Why ? Because when you are so brokenhearted and breathing seems like someone stabs you each time the air penetrate your lungs, you feel like you are alone and no one understands you. And at this very moment, you deeply know that the only One who really can understand [your] suffering is the One who suffered so much for you, the One who knows very well what is physical pain, mental pain, suffering for being abandoned and rejected, suffering to be alone and mistreated. This only One is Jesus, Son of God.

I never felt so secure than when I am in His presence, telling Him how broken I am and powerless. And because His word is the truth, we know that we confidently can trust in what He tells us when He says :

Deuteronomy 31 :8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Jeremiah 29 :11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for good and not for disaster, plans to give you hope and a future.

Psalm 34 :17-18
The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Dear reader, Jesus Christ is the only One we don’t need to wear a mask with. He already knows our heart and pain. Let’s be true to ourselves and true to Him. Let’s let Him embrace us, give us a huge hug and tell us how much He loves us.

And when we will be ready, let’s get rid of the mask we put with people around us. Someday and because God is healing us, we will be able to smile because our heart smiles and to be in peace because without knowing where we go, we still let God take our hand and guide us as He says « I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you » (Psalm 32 :8)

Kath Leen

The past week hasn’t been easy. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, or people, or Church, or work...


The past week hasn’t been easy. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, or people, or Church, or work or even the sun rising but it has been a hard week because my feelings and emotions were going again up and down as the days were passing by. And if you read my previous post « EMOTIONS; WHEN THEY GET UNCONTROLLABLE » you will know that I have this tendency to let my emotions take control. I am human and I am still working on this ; getting better for sure but there is some time when I just feel overwhelmed and I let it happen instead of fighting back.

So the past week has been kinda like this, but then, on the weekend, something changed...! Something I knew for years but had never experienced! Folks, I tell you, this thing I know very well with my head, has suddenly ended up on my heart and that was it!

This very thing is… FAITH.

And it is weird because to be honest, I have and always had total faith in God and His existence. I have total faith that God can answer people’s requests.But when it was coming to me, my faith in God’s replies seemed more like « I trust you God! But what if I am wrong about what I hear from you… Is it really what you are saying? »

And this is very confusing because I love Jesus, and I trust Him and know that He answers the heart’s desire, but for some reason, I couldn't apply it for my own life!!  Yet, His word says in Psalm 37:4 « Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desire ».
He was saying that to me as well, of course! God doesn't have favorite people among others. But it is only when we let God take total control of our emotions that He really can work things through.

Before going on with my story, let me tell you first what is FAITH according to the Bible:
Hebrew 11:1 explains that « faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen ; It gives us assurance about things we cannot see »

I received this verse 2 weeks ago. And I needed those 2 full weeks for the word to make its way and to make it clearer in my heart.

What is amazing with God is that He is so patient with us and never stops speaking to us!!
Last week, when I had issues with this simple 5 letters word FAITH, I received from God an encouragement for each very day of the week! Some were found in PassTheWord  (a text that I receive each morning from a friend), some were found in the Bible during my each morning reading and some were found in my every morning devotional. And what really stunned me was that God had something to say each-day-of-this-past-week!

PassTheWord Texts:

“But even more blessed are all who hear the word of God and put it into practice.” (Luke 11:28). Meditate His Word and take up challenges by exercising your faith!

Don't force the hand of God by searching solutions by yourself because  "The Lord is not slow to do what he has promised, as some think." (2 Peter 3:9)

But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith.” (Mark 5:36). The faith never fails. Don't doubt and persevere, your answer is on the way.

"My future is in your hands. Rescue me..." (Psalm 31:15). Some events of your life escape your control but God takes everything in hand!

Bible words:

James 5 :7-8 "Be patient [...], Keep your hopes high [...]"

James 5 :16 "[...] The prayer of a good person has a powerful effect."

1 Peter 1 :6 "[...] There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while."

1 Peter 4 :19 "[...] trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you."

Morning Devotional Book "The Streams in The Desert":

Difficulties and obstacles are God’s challenge to our faith.

God’s timing is not ours to command.
Ask in faith without wavering, but never cease to petition the King because He has delayed His reply.

Blessed is the one who waits (Daniel 12 :12)
Wait in faith, express your unwavering confidence in Him, and believe that even if He keeps you waiting until midnight, He will come at the right time to fulfill His vision for you.

God deals with impossibilities.
God forgives and heals and restores, for HE is « the God of all grace » (1 Peter 5 :10)
We have a God who delights in impossibilities and who asks « Is anything too hard for me ? » (Jeremiah 32 :27)

Therefore may we continue to persevere, for even if we took our circumstances and cast all the darkness of human doubt upon them and then hastily piled as many difficulties together as we could find against God’s divine work, we could never move beyond the blessedness of His miracle-working power. May we place our faith completely in Him, for He is the God of the impossible.

God wanted all these verses and writing devotionals to hit my heart at the right time. And it did :)
At this very moment this weekend, I understood what God was expecting from me. I know that the only thing He wants me to do, is to keep asking Him in faith, to hold on to what is written on my heartHe wants me to keep knocking on His door, asking Him as a child would ask his dad, because He is my Heavenly Father.

I can’t describe this amazing feeling I got when all became clear. All I know is that my heart rejoiced because I understood that whatever lies ahead of me, I have faith that God will answer my heart’s desire as I delight in Him.

Dear reader, never cease hopingNever cease seeking God’s answer in faith and expectation. Because God is good and faithful. And He will answer you soon. God is never lateHe is always on time. The only thing you need to do, is to « have faith » in the only One who will never disappoint you.

Kath Leen

Hey! Psssstttt! Hey you, yes you dear reader, can I give you the love of travels for a seco...


Hey! Psssstttt! Hey you, yes you dear reader, can I give you the love of travels for a second ?

Did you never find a stress free hobby that helps you to go through, kinda like a therapy? Well TRAVEL is that for me.

And as today I feel like a mess, what obviously happens to all of us, right? We are down someday, we are in tears, we can’t smile all the time and pretend to people and to ourselves that we can handle this when we can’t… Well today is a day with this kind of feeling for me, an beside falling apart in the arms of my Heavenly Father, the only other thing that works for me and could maybe transport you away for 5 minutes is…(this is my therapy time!!!!! Rolling of tambourine TRRRRRR TADADADADADA)

Let’s fly to the United States of America
ThE LaNd oF [MY] LiBeRtY.

Telling you about this country is important for me, not because it is the best country in the world (isn’t?), but because God used this country to help me feeling “liberated” from chains that I imposed to myself.

If you do remember one of my previous posts, I talked about Canada, Land of [MY] freedom, Land that has been my home for a year and gave me the opportunity to understand that I can live a different life that the one I used to know.

The United States of America has been, as well, a revealing experience for me.
My work made me mostly travel to California but I have also enjoyed New York, Florida, Ohio, Illinois, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, North Dakota, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana and Alabama.

And this is through all these visits that I felt like I had a connection with North America. Why? I can’t tell you why. It is just written deep on my heart. It’s like someone who enjoys more playing tennis than badminton. Could he really tell you why? I mean, both game offer to play with a thing to throw and a racket, both offer quite the same rules I would say (but I am not playing either of both). However, some people will just tell you they like better tennis. Maybe it’s because they connect tennis to a very meaningful memory of their childhood? Or maybe because it has been the favorite sport in the family for many generations. Or simply, they can’t tell you but it’s just what they like!

It is true that for me, I always loved the TV show “Friends” (back to 1996, I was 10 years old) and I knew that what they called Central Perk Coffee was located in Manhattan and when I started to write to the Friends Fan Club, I knew it was located in USA and I would have to write in English. At that time, I didn’t know this language and have actually never learned at school so it was a challenge for me but I just developed such an interest for this language around that time. And this is also the reason that pushed me to move to Canada in 2010, in an English province, so that I could learn the language.
So, I don’t really know why, but I am just “moved” as soon as I talk about North America.

And this is not a hazard that I found an American international church in Germany, right on the French border where I live. It is not a hazard that my job makes me use my English 90% of the time. It is not a hazard that I fell in love with an American that (believe it or not) has a French-Canadian grand-pa (Whhhaaatt?! No way! Yes way!).

There is no hazard with God. There is no desire that He puts on our heart for nothing. There is no surprise for God that He didn’t know about.

And since I have been thinking about this huge obvious image of me maturing, developing a love for English and North America and how God always provided a way for me to press on on this path, I can’t avoid the idea that He prepares something amazing for me and my future, using this heart’s desire that is mine.

Dear reader I don’t know what it will be like, I don’t know what my future holds (And I am more lost than ever since the breaking up with my American fiancé), but I know for sure that God NEVER disappoints. And God’s timing is ALWAYS perfect.

North America, this Land of my Liberty, is not just a beautiful country filled with amazing landscapes. It is the land that opened my eyes on huge issues that I carry for so long.
It made me recognize that I had fears and anxiety with abandonment. Not just being forsaken, but to forsake my family as well. I always thought that if I would move away I would abandon my nieces and my sisters and my parents… But isn’t life? God calls us all for a different purpose and my love for North America could be His calling for me, whatever it will be. Today I realize that it’s written on my heart and that I need to believe in the great plans God has for me

What brought me to the word “FAITH”, I thought about this simple 5 letters word.

What does God expect from us? He wants us to have faith in Him. To believe that what He puts on our heart is ours.

The bible says in Mark 11:23-24 “ I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.”

In writing this "therapy" article, I came today to the conclusion that, in alignment with the will of God, EVERYTHING is possible.

So dear reader, let’s have FAITH. Let’s trust in Him completely and believe that He knows better than we do. He is such a good Father and He will show us the right path to take. Believe in the desire you have on your heart! Believe it comes from God; He is training you now to be ready to accomplish something great! Don’t give up, doesn’t matter what the day brings. Hold on to your convictions, pray for it and fight the right fight!

Kath Leen

(ALABAMA with Boboo)

(LOUISIANA - New Orleans)
(back to January 2nd 2016; the exact place where my fiancé proposed me)

(CALIFORNIA - San Diego - Ocean Side)




You are not the only one wondering if you ever will receive a reply to your "why". ...


You are not the only one wondering if you ever will receive a reply to your "why".
And sometime, you might ask even yourself if it’s useful to ask this question you wonder, as you might only get a silence…

I heard so many times, from Christian and non-Christian that whatever happens to us, this question will not help to move on. I heard that asking and wondering forever "why this or that happened" is not what will pull us out of the suffering…

When A.A. broke up with me in July, to be honest, I don’t remember really asking this question to God. The only thing I told God was “Lord, how can you use my brokenness for your glory?”

I asked Him this for days, for weeks, for months!
But last week, I just somehow had to be honest to myself and admit that deep inside me, I actually craved to ask Him WHY?!!!!

Why God? Why did he brake up when we used to love each other so much?

Why did he decide to stop growing old with me when it was obvious we were going in the right direction?

Why do I have to suffer again in a breaking up when the only thing I wanted was to love on him and be his helper?

Why am I the one left aside?

Why God, did you allow us to meet if it wasn’t your plan for us to get married?


So yes, here I am, broken and totally powerless in my suffering and what I thought I would never ask God, appeared like being the only question I was able to cry out to Him for the past five days…

And you know what? I think that God knew. God knew from the beginning that this day would come when I would just give up all my tears to him, desperately screaming for an answer. He knew it, He wasn’t surprised and He just accepted it.

Five days ago, when I cried in despair, alone in my room, in the dark, with even not a pronounceable prayer to tell, He was right here to catch me. In the quietness of my bedroom, I knew that I could allow myself to ask this question and that it would be OK, that He would accept me as I am, in pieces and that He would love me anyway and He would accept my “why”.

Dear reader, this is what Jesus does for five days now. He just keeps loving on me. He just keeps giving me words of encouragement, He just keeps taking me in His arms, doesn’t matter if I am silent, frustrated, afraid, questioning or just breathing; God is here. He was always here, along this dark path I am walking on now and since July, He never left my side.

In the Bible, even David asked God this question: “why?”
And in the reading of the Psalms for the past days, I felt understood by him. I felt like I actually can ask this question to God.

As I move forward and especially today, I realize that I needed to ask God this question. I needed it in order to “make” my mourning complete in this loss. But I also realize that the longer I will focus on my “why”, the less progress I will make. And with the help of God, I do want to progress!!

So yes, I need this time of “whyery” :) but I need to remember that I might never get an answer on this earth and that God wants to use this time of deep suffering to glorify Him.


Well, it is through broken jars that the light can shine the best! It is through my brokenness that I draw closer to God each day. It is through my suffering that I can understand the pain of others and be here to comfort them with the real love of Jesus. It is through suffering that I hold on to God in faith and realize that the more I am hurt, the more I need Him. And it is through the suffering that I decided to write what He does in my life, knowing that He will use this blog for making Him known to you dear reader.

Why God why? We might get an answer or we might not. But if we turn our why in “how”; “how can you use my suffering for your glory God?” we will soon discover more purpose and joy.
So let’s set aside the “why” for a while and let’s focus on how God can use suffering and to turn it into blessing.

If you are overwhelmed with WHY and you would like to share with me, don’t hesitate to contact me at kathleen@hopeshinesnear.com. I’d be glad to exchange with you and add you on my prayer list.

Much love,
Kath Leen